


A is A: File Keeping #3: Eventualities

by Flyboy254



Series: A Is A [21]
Category: Battlefield (Video Games), Command & Conquer (Video Games), My Little Pony: Equestria Girls, Star vs. The Forces Of Evil, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Comedy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-23 16:47:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16162916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flyboy254/pseuds/Flyboy254
Summary: If you keep traveling dimensions, eventually someone's gonna want to know what the heck is going on...





	1. Chapter 1

**File Keeping #3: Eventualities**

 

Gen. Hammond smiled as the team leaders prepared for the briefing. “Glad to see you all here again. Capt. Campbell will be here shortly, we’ve received word that the EU forces are repositioning for defensive operations and he would probably be slightly behind while we begin.”

 

The assembled team leaders were as expected. O’Neill leaned his head on his hand, trying to keep his eyes open even this early into the meeting. Erza was ramrod straight looking forward attentively. Havoc and Korra leaned over the table with grins plastered on their faces as Parker leaned back and stared at the ceiling. Pharah sat calmly, notes organized neatly before her as she waited for the start of the meeting while Sunset quickly went over her notes one more time. Usagi kept blinking as she tried to read over what she’d been given by Ami (Specifically the notes taped to each page) and the whole room was rounded out by Alice sitting ramrod straight and attentive.

 

“First, the encounter between Maj. Carter and Orlin has led us to review the rate of technological and magical exchanges between our universes. We’ll be holding a reconciliation on our current practices within the next two months, we’re requesting that you all please review your information and equipment and present us with what you’re able to supply to us in terms of designs and functional examples.” The table nodded and gave ascent. “Now, regarding our current understandings of dimensional breaching. Ms. Shimmer?”

 

Sunset rose and smiled to the table. “At this point we’re roughly sure that the key to out ability to guide the quantum mirror’s selection of which universes we can travel to without dialing the gate is related to-“

 

A tear appeared over the table, the assembled leaders jumping up as the airmen in the room drew their weapons. Korra formed a pair of flame daggers over her hands as Erza requipped a sword and Usagi flashed into her uniform. Parker jumped up and smashed his ceramic mug, coffee spilling everywhere as he brandished the improvised knuckleduster. “Any ideas people?”

 

Sunset shook her head, quickly imitating him as she took a fighting stance. “Nothing, there shouldn’t be any way to open a portal that small without an archway!”

 

As alarms blared through the base, the orange portal shifted as a dark orange boot slammed down on the table. In front of the entire assembled command staff of the MVTF a woman with pale gray skin, dark red hair, wearing an orange-and-yellow dress with a flame above her head stepped through the portal glaring at Gen. Hammond. Her forearms were lined with spikes, and two massive horns sprouted from the top of her skull. “Okay jerks, who’s been meddling with the dimensional fabrics?”

 

Capt. Campbell ran into the room, accompanied by two airmen. “General, what’s happened, I heard the alarms and I…I…I…” Campbell’s mouth hung open as he sized up the figure standing atop the conference table.

 

Hekapoo turned, and her lips went up in a grin. “Huh. Looks like someone here knows me.”

 

Campbell collapsed on the floor.

* * *

Campbell blinked awake, shaking his head a few times as he saw Dr. Frasier standing over him. “Hey, easy now you had a nasty fall. How’re you feeling?”

 

“I think I’m hallucinating ma’am,” Campbell whispered, Dr. Frasier shining a pen light over his eyes. “I saw a character from a cartoon I would watch when I was a boy, and then I walk into the conference room during the alarm and suddenly I see her standing atop the table glaring at Gen. Hammond.”

 

A sultry second voice sounded off as a finger traced over his abs. “Well you certainly grew into your body haven’t you.”

 

Campbell’s eyes ripped open and he shot up fast enough to force Dr. Frasier back as he looked to the voice. The woman he thought he’d seen was face to face with him, eyes hooded as she gave him a grin and wave. “How ya doin’?”

 

Campbell shouted, jumping out of the bed and colliding with Dr. Frasier. “Noooooooononononono, this can’t be fucking happening, you’re a cartoon!”

 

Hekapoo raised an eyebrow. “Really? Can a cartoon do this?” Before Campbell could process the statement, an arm wrapped around his neck and started to noogie him. Ripping himself away, Campbell turned to see a second Hekapoo wave at him flirtatiously.

 

“Enough!” Dr. Frasier glared and pointed at Hekapoo. “You’re here because you agreed to calm down, now either you do that or I _will_ have you removed from the infirmary.” Hekapoo rolled her eyes, the clone vanishing in a puff of smoke with the same annoyed expression. “Thank you.”

 

Campbell shook his head again, putting a hand to his brow and trying to figure out if he was really all that well in the head anymore. “What happened to the briefing?”

 

“Gen. Hammond rescheduled it, apparently Ms. Hekapoo thought to talk to you primarily.” Making a few notes on her chart, Dr. Frasier glared at Hekapoo. “And remember, no assaulting my patients.” With a final glare, Dr. Frasier walked out of the infirmary, two airmen remaining in the room to keep an eye on things. Hekapoo stuck out her tongue at Frasier as the doctor left the room, then turned to Campbell with a grin.

 

Campbell tried to smile and was failing badly. “So, you’re Hekapoo. Uh. Hi. Nice to uh, nice to meet you.”

 

“You too, Soupy,” Hekapoo, Campbell trying to figure out what she meant as she leaned her arms onto his bed. “So, you seem to know who I am. How come no one else does?”

 

Campbell took a breath. “Well, it’s a bit of a strange story to explain.”

 

Hekapoo raised an eyebrow. “If you know who I am, you know strange isn’t that strange to me.”

 

Campbell nodded. “Fair cop. Alright, well my team and I, we know who you are because you’re one of the characters in a series of children’s cartoons.”

 

Hekapoo laughed. “Well I knew they’d make a story about my adventures eventually. I’ll collect my royalties now.”

 

“Uh, actually you’re not the main character.”

 

Hekapoo blinked, shaken by the news. “Who the heck is?”

 

Campbell braced himself for the incoming fallout. “Star Butterfly and Marco Diaz.”

 

Hekapoo didn’t instantly start tearing through the infirmary, which surprised Campbell a little given that she’d always struck him as a somewhat vain character. Instead she shrugged. “Well, I guess when she went to Earth it would make a good story for kids.”

 

Campbell nodded before he remembered he was talking to a character from a cartoon. “Wait, hold it a second, why are you even here! You’re the Scissor Enforcer, member of the Magic High Council! You’re not some messenger girl who tells people to behave themselves when they break some little rule!”

 

Hekapoo waved her hands. “Psssh. I decide where I want to go. But you’re right, I am here for a reason.” Hekapoo’s expression darkened. “I found that a huge number of tears in the fabric of dimensions were originating from this one. It’s honestly pretty boring all things considered, only a few people come here to even see what it’s like. Lately though, people have been tearing their way out a lot.”

 

Campbell nodded. “I see. So you’re investigating why then.”

 

“So you are as smart as you are well-toned.” Hekapoo went back to grinning, and Campbell went back to blushing.

 

The doors to the infirmary opened, and Sgt. Weber hurried in. “Sir, the team is in their quarters and waiting for your word, we were told by Capt. Parker that something haaaaaaaaa…” Weber’s face froze as she saw the woman at her captain’s bedside.

 

Campbell groaned. “Ms. Hekapoo, this is my platoon sergeant, Sgt. Emilia Weber.”

 

Hekapoo gave a wave. “Sup?”

 

Weber’s shock slowly turned into unbridled glee, followed by a massive squeal of delight and hopping up and down like a child.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

* * *

Gen. Hammond and O’Neill stared as MV-4 clustered around Hekapoo like pups to their mother in the briefing hall. Hekapoo didn’t seem to mind, smiling as they fawned over her. Gen. Hammond shook his head. “Colonel, I’m retiring soon enough, I’d like you to-”

 

“I’m perfectly fine where I am sir,” O’Neill said, before Gen. Hammond could go any further.

 

Sunset watched the scene with a bemused expression, shaking her head as she shifted toward Korra. “What do you think?”

 

Korra gave a shrug. “Knew it. Fans are alike all over.” Both women said it at the same time. “A is A.”

 

Hekapoo was just soaking in the attention, buffing her nails as she spoke. “Yeah, handling dimensional breaches ain’t no thing. Between that and giving Fleshwad the runaround for his scissors, I guess this is exactly what I needed.”

 

Gantz and Becker grinned like idiots, Lisowski was too busy staring wide-eyed at the Scissor Enforcer. Van der Burgh kept nervously raising her hand and pulling it back, the best guess everyone could make was that she was trying to make sure she asked the best possible question she could. Weber was shaking so violently Dr. Frasier had mentioned that they might need to give her a sedative just to keep her from overworking her heart.

 

“Alright, this is ridiculous,” Parker said, storming over. “Hey, Fireball, maybe you can tell us what you’re doing here?”

 

Hekapoo smirked at Parker, but MV-4 sent him such a collection of glares and scowls that a Carmelite nun would be intimidated. “Well, you see my job is to make the dimensional scissors. Like the ones that brought me here?” Hekapoo held up her pair and tore a hole open. Reaching into it, she smacked Parker on the back of the head and laughed, pulling her hand back and closing it up seconds later. All of MV-4 started to chuckle, even Campbell. “Course, being the one responsible for the scissors, I’m also the one responsible for making sure that the fabric they cut through isn’t being messed up too badly. Which is why I’m here.”

 

“Oh, I can’t believe Sam is on liberty for this,” Sunset said, slowly getting excited herself. “I’m basically the main researcher for magic here, your coming could tell us so much about what we should look out for.”

 

Weber smacked her forehead. “Look out for! Hekapoo, you need to-”

 

“Easy sergeant,” Campbell said firmly. “We don’t want to go interfering with things that might not’ve happened yet. According to Col. O’Neill we’ve done it once already.”

 

Erza leaned over to O’Neill. “Thanks for that by the way, I don’t think Fairy Tail would’ve held up without master for seven years.” O’Neill nodded in agreement.

 

“Yeah, this is all amazing,” Parker said, still rubbing at the spot Hekapoo smacked him upside. “So what’s that got to do with us?”

 

“Well it has to do with the way you dopes are running through the multiverse,” Hekapoo said, looking at Parker like she was watching C-Span. “Here, look. You see these? They’re scissors, they cut things. I open a portal.” Hekapoo did so, this one a different color. “Things can go through.” She reached in, and pulled out a cat with a human face.

 

“Sweet Celestia!” Sunset led the others in cringing. “Put it back, put it back!”

 

The cat shouted out, “Hey, you’re no prize yourself lady!” Hekapoo shoved it back through the portal, and quickly shut it.

 

O’Neill shuddered. “Ugh! What was that supposed to prove?”

 

“You can’t see where it came from can you,” Hekapoo said. “I opened a portal, something went through it, I closed it up.” The Enforcer stood up, standing over the table. “What you’re all doing is this.” Hekapoo slammed a fist straight through the middle of a chair, leaving a gaping hole in the center.

 

“Ms. Hekapoo!” Gen. Hammond stopped, forced himself to accept that was the name he would have to use, and went on. “If you have a point to prove I’d appreciate if you could do so without destroying this facility.”

 

Hekapoo smirked. “Here’s the point,” she said, levitating the pieces of chair back into place. “You’re going through and closing things up, but here’s what you leave behind.”

 

“Even repaired we’re still doing damage,” Sunset whispered. “Oh man, we never considered this might be what we’re doing.”

 

“Hang on,” O’Neill barked. “Carter never said this was a problem before, so OW!”

 

Hekapoo pulled her hand back through a new portal, chuckling. “Man, you guys are way more fun to deal with than the humans from Marco’s dimension.” That sent another wave of excitement rippling through the troopers, but before the conversation could go on Russo called out.

 

“I knew it!” He jumped up and pumped his fists. “Marcapoo confirmed!”

 

Weber shot up indignantly. “Like Hell it is,” she barked. “She only said that this is more fun to deal with, not that she and Marco are dating! You know how the series ends anyway, you know Markapoo never happens! It was Starco from start to finish!”

 

“Psssh,” Van der Burgh said, waving her hand dismissively. “Of course they’d have to write it that way for the sake of the story.”

 

Gantz leaned over to Becker. “Says the woman who still believes in Tomco.”

 

Van der Burgh shot back. “Well at least I never thought Janco would ever happen.”

 

“She obviously liked him!”

 

The entirety of the platoon suddenly became a shouting match, Campbell facepalming as his troopers went off on each other using words that the rest of the commanders had no context for. “You know Marcapoo was the more realistic relationship!” “Please, Tomco was obviously there, it occurred when they were realizing that homosexual couples could be allowed on children’s TV!” “Kellco was obviously teased with the beach episode!” “Jackie-Lynn was his first romance, she was clearly the better pick!”

 

Gen. Hammond shook his head. “Colonel-”

 

“Not until they drag my butt into that chair by force, sir.”

 

Campbell finally used his command voice. “Enough!” The platoon froze, realized what they’d just done, and quietly went back to surrounding Hekapoo. “This is a matter of actual importance, you can leave your damned ships at the dock.”

 

“He’s right,” Heckapoo said with a malicious grin. “Besides, you all should know that Marco winds up with Spider with a Top Hat.”

 

Nothing could be done over the shouting for another twenty minutes as even Campbell threw his hat into the ring.

* * *

Hekapoo lounged in the lab with Sunset, sipping on a soda from the mess. “So, you’re magic too huh? What’s your home dimension?”

 

“Well originally I was from Equestria,” Sunset said, looking up the files on the computer. “After a while though I went to my new home. It’s kinda like this one, but way less violent. My friends and I, we volunteered to be their magical and portal research specialists.”

 

Hekapoo nodded. “So, Equestria. Is that like the Cloud Kingdom where the pony heads live?”

 

Sunset blinked. “Heads. Not bodies, just the heads.” Hekapoo nodded again. “Well, can’t say the multiverse lacks diversity. Okay, so this is where we’ve gone so far.” Sunset turned the monitor to show Hekapoo several pictures from the dimensions already traveled to. “We’ve noticed that despite going to multiple dimensions with vastly different properties, each of them all have similar likenesses that go beyond what statistics could account for.”

 

Hekapoo slurped on her drink. “And?”

 

Sunset blinked. “And…Well you travel the multiverse because you said it’s your duty right? I was thinking you could help us understand it, considering what you said.”

 

Hekapoo laughed, bending over and slapping her hand on the table. “Oh, oh that’s hysterical!” Reaching over, Hekapoo pinched Sunset’s cheek and wiggled it. “I can’t just tell you everything Bacon-Head, that’s not how it works.”

 

“Hey, knock it off!” Pulling away, Sunset rubbed at her cheek and glared at Hekapoo. “You know, for a being with this kind of power you sure don’t act like it.”

 

“What, you were expecting something like **THIS**!” Hekapoo suddenly transformed into a creature of nightmares, wreathed in flames with fangs bared and eyes a dark, glaring red. “ **IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED TO SEE OF A BEING WITH SUCH POWER SUNSET SHIMMER!** ”

  
Sunset turned away, the heat overwhelming and the light blinding. “Yeah, yeah pretty much!”

 

Hekapoo snapped back to how she was before, sipping on her still-intact drink. “Yeah, well, I usually don’t like to break that one out unless I need to make an impression. You guys don’t strike me as need it honestly.”

 

Sunset smiled for a moment. “Really? You think we’re on the right track?”

 

“Nope,” Hekapoo answered. “I just don’t want to overwhelm you with stuff that’ll fry your brain. Like, literally.” Hekapoo waggled her fingers beside her head. “ _Fry_ your brain. Like an egg.”

 

Sunset groaned, but looked up when heard footsteps and saw Campbell, Russo, and Kavanaugh walk in. “Oh, hey guys.”  


“Sunset,” Campbell said, giving a nod. “Gen. Hammond sent us down to see if you both needed anything.”

 

“Nah, we’re cool.” Hekapoo finished her soda and threw it backwards right into the trash can. “So Soupy, what about your world? What’s it like?”

 

“Buried under ice and wracked with war,” Campbell said, Kavanaugh and Weber taking two empty chairs behind Hekapoo. “Miss, Gen. Hammond asked us to speak with you about something that could help us.”

 

“Uh, yeah, I only help with Magic Council business,” Hekapoo said, managing to sound less than disinterested. “But, seeing as you guys know how to show some respect, I’ll listen to you.”

 

“Thank you miss,” Campbell said, stepping between Sunset and Hekapoo. “You see, as your information is probably true Gen. Hammond asked us to secure a pair of scissors. It was an order you see, we had to tell him you’re the one who forges them.”

 

“Well, it doesn’t really do any harm,” Hekapoo said, casting hooded eyes at Campbell. “Of course, you need to prove-” Kavavanaugh and Weber grabbed Hekapoo’s arms, and with Campbell all blew at the flame between Hekapoo’s horns until it went out. Hekapoo grinned. “Clever Soupy, but not what I was gonna tell you.”

 

Campbell groaned, Kavanaugh and Weber awkwardly releasing her and trying to look anywhere but at Hekapoo. “Alright, well, uh, that’s that then.”

 

“Wait,” Sunset said, drawing them all out of their little routine. “You said that you came here because we’re doing damage to the multiverse, but you aren’t going to give us something that’ll help us? If you aren’t going to explain what we need to know, then why can’t we get a pair of those scissors?”

 

Hekapoo shrugged. “Well I usually only give scissors to people who _earn_ them. Just careening through the multiverse isn’t enough. Besides, I kinda messed with Baldy and the big jerk up there.” Hekapoo grabbed a folder and punched through the paper. “See, you are tearing holes through things, but the multiverse isn’t just gonna fall apart.” Using her scissors, Hekapoo opened a portal with her scissors and pulled out a bottle of glue. “I’ve been around for a long time, and I haven’t seen anything really have the possibility to destroy the multiverse.” Using her telekinesis, Hekapoo held the torn papers together and started gluing them back together. “Yeah, you’re leaving a hole where you came through. But eventually?” Hekapoo turned the repaired paper to Sunset. “Everything will be as it was.”

 

Sunset shook her head. “Then it still doesn’t make sense.”

 

Hekapoo looked to Weber. “Uh, does she not understand how words work?”

 

“It’s not that,” Weber said, her voice actually possessed of emotion. Enough that Kavanaugh stared for a second. “So far two advanced species have both told us that they stopped using the means we are because it was either a curiosity or because it’s dangerous. Now you’re telling us that it’s not refined. So the question is, who’s telling us the truth?”

 

Sunset and Campbell shared a look. “ _Thor told Carter that the mirror was a curiosity. Orlin tells her that it’s dangerous and we should stop using it. Now this woman’s telling us that we’re not a danger to the fabric of reality. So what is it we’re_ supposed _to be worried about?_ ” Sunset tried to look for an answer in Campbell’s face, and couldn’t find it.

 

“Well I’m not staying too long anyway,” Hekapoo said, sitting up and grinning. “You guys aren’t destroying the multiverse, but I will leave you with some words of wisdom?” Hekapoo sliced open an orange portal and turned to Campbell. “It’s gonna be rough out there, if you’ve already been traveling then you know there’s more out there than human-faced cats and the Bounce Lounge. Just remember that you’re bound to come across stuff that’s far worse than what you’ve seen already.”

 

Campbell, Sunset, Weber and Kavanaugh all looked to each other. “That’s good of you to say, miss, but can’t you give us any more to work with?”

 

“I said you have to earn my scissors remember? Don’t worry though,” Hekapoo said, grinning as she leaned her face close to Campbell’s with a sly grin. “You’re someone I think I’ll enjoy watching earn the next pair I make.” Campbell blushed furiously as Hekapoo opened a portal, stuck her hand through, pulled it back, closed the portal, and opened a new one. Stepping through, she gave Campbell one last wink. “Later Soupy.”

 

Weber and Kavanaugh were both desperately trying not to squee as they both mumbled, “Campoo, Campoo, Campoo!”

 

Before Sunset could ask, footsteps stormed down the stairs and Parker appeared in the doorway with one hand rubbing the back of his head. “Where’s that gray-skinned hag!”


End file.
